About Rodrigo
by alecsangryface
Summary: Or that one time Jace made Alec go to a strip club. The first of many parts in the (Mis)adventures of Alec and Jace
**A/N: I love Jalec so much**

Alec's face was one of horror and Jace almost told him they could go back, but he didn't because they couldn't. Instead he pulled Alec after him and led him to a table near the stage and flagged a waitress over, ordered two beers and looked at Alec expectantly.

"Why the fuck did you bring me to a strip club?" Alec asked. Jace ignored the anger in his voice and poked him in the side.

"Because it's fun!" He bounced a little bit in his seat, Alec really had to learn to lighten up sometimes, "Besides you should have more fun here than me! It's a male strip club" That didn't seem to help Alec's situation any, in fact it seemed to amplify his anger a touch more.

"Why would you think that's a good idea?" Alec sunk down his chair, attempting to hide behind the back and arms. He was having very little success though and Jace could not help it when he laughed.

"You're gay stupid" Alec glared at him and Jace rolled his eyes, "You like it when dudes take their clothes off"

"Oh my god" Alec was suddenly sat up ramrod straight, he turned his panicked eyes to Jace "What will Magnus think!?"

Jace hadn't thought about that if truth was being told. He didn't make it a habit to think of Magnus ever, it wasn't personal. He patted Alec's shoulder and sheepishly smiled when Alec went back to glaring at him.

"Magnus won't have to know" He supplied in what was supposed to be a helpful way. Alec dropped his head into his hands, his eyes wide and unfocused. If Magnus found out he would die of mortification if nothing else.

"C'mon drink up" Jace forced one of the beers into Alec's hands, shaking off the foam that spilled over his hand, "I'll buy you a lap dance"

Alec downed the glass, something that surprised Jace to no end, and turned back to Jace jabbing a finger at him, "You're not going to buy me a lap dance, and we're going back to the Institute"

"Can't" Jace shrugged. Alec stared at him until he began to elaborate, "We've been kicked out because – and I'm quoting Clary here – 'Isabelle needs a girl's night and you two can't be here to spoil it' she said something about Magnus joining them and something about nail polish. Honestly I don't know I wasn't really listening"

"Magnus is at the Institute?" Alec asked confused, he didn't tell him that, though it did make sense since he and Isabelle had been becoming good friends recently. Jace scoffed.

"Oh so that's the only thing you pick up on?" Jace had a look in his eyes that Alec was all too familiar with, he was trying to bait Alec into an argument or some other altercation, "Did you hear the fact that your little sister is upset about something, what a great big brother you are?"

"Fuck you Jace" Alec muttered, snatching the glass out of Jace's hand and sipping at the amber liquid.

"Hey fuck you too!" Jace laughed and snatched his drink back, "While I do plan to get the both of us completely trashed, I would prefer it if you didn't do it right away"

Alec was saved from replying when the lights began flashing. The two of them looked around to see if it was normal, apparently it was because other men were leaning back in their chairs and turning their attention away from their conversations and towards the stage.

Jace repeatedly hit Alec's arm in excitement until Alec batted it away, he shook his head as a young man walked out onto the stage in a much sexed up version of a policeman's outfit.

"I need another drink" He muttered, but if he was here with no way out in the foreseeable future, he was going to enjoy himself.

After the third stripper Alec had had enough whiskey ("because beer is disgusting, Jace. Get over yourself") to loosen his tongue and Jace had had nearly as much. They were giddy, so Jace didn't feel too terrible when he started commenting on Alec's enjoyment of the show.

"You paid a lot of attention to that one Alec" He giggled, Jace actually giggled, the situation is so surreal that Alec just went with it "You like the twinks don't you, you animal"

"You're enjoying this as much as I am" Alec pointed out, "I can't believe you brought me to a male strip club and you're enjoying it! Sure you're only into girls Jace?"

"The only dude I'm into is you, idiot" Jace laughed, "Can I buy you a lap dance yet? Or shall I pay Magnus to do it"

"Magnus would do it without the money" Alec smirked proudly at Jace's gaping face, "Why are you so surprised? You've met him"

Jace was maniacal. His smile grew wider until he looked like a shit version of the joker, and Alec told him as much before downing the rest of his glass

"So I have to get you drunk to talk about your sex life?" Jace cackled, other patrons of the club were looking over at them in annoyance and disgust, Jace was not being quiet. Not even a little bit. Alec looked mortified when he realised what he had said.

"Tell me everything. Who tops? That's a stupid question of course you do" Jace leant forward in his chair, his elbows resting on the table and head resting on his hands, "I bet Magnus is into some weird shit. Does he use his magic in bed? Do you use the stamina rune often?"

Alec just laughed in response and shook his head. He might have been drunk enough to talk about it, but now that he was aware of the fact there was no way Jace was getting anything out of him. That didn't stop Jace from trying the rest of the night.

"Shush" Jace giggled into Alec's shoulder as they stumbled through the front door of the Institute. They had an arm around each other's shoulders in an attempt to keep the other upright, both too proud to admit just how drunk they were. They should have realised once they were politely asked to leave when Jace almost got into a fight because someone asked him when his turn to strip was. Alec found it hilarious, but he was right behind Jace ready to fight beside him.

"You be quiet. Everyone will be sleeping" Alec laughed as he leant into Jace in an attempt to direct them to the wall for something else to prop themselves up on. They only had to get to the living room. There was no way they were getting up to their bedrooms, they could sleep on the couches. They fell into the elevator more than they got in it, hitting the button as they went.

"Jace. Jace. C'mon" Alec shakily stood on his feet and attempted to pull Jace up too as the elevator ground to a halt. Jace allowed himself to be half pulled up, but he was almost a dead weight for Alec.

"Alec do you remember that stripper with the cowboy outfit?" Jace laughed as they struggled down the corridor. Alec was falling over himself, also laughing "You thought he was hot"

They both came to a stop as they noticed three pairs of feet in front of them on the floor. They stood in a confused silence for a moment before looking at each other and breaking out into laughter. The three additions to the group watched in mild fascination, having never seen the parabatai pair like this before.

"What's going on here?" Magnus asked, he may have been a little bit worried. Alec didn't often get drunk, and he definitely didn't get this giggly when he did.

"Magnus!" Alec almost dropped Jace. He made his way over to his boyfriend on very shaky legs to put his hands on Magnus' shoulders, "Wow. You're gorgeous and you would look so much better than Rodrigo in a cowboy outfit. So hot"

Magnus was floored, apparently drunk Alec wanted to flirt with him. He glanced over at Clary and Isabelle, who were failing miserably at holding back their laughter.

"Who's Rodrigo?" He asked turning back to Alec.

Jace came up behind Alec, draping his arms over his parabatai's shoulders and resting his head on one of them. He looked at Magnus as if what he had just said was the stupidest thing anyone had ever said in the history of language, "Rodrigo is the hot cowboy stripper"

"Shush Jace!" Alec whirled around to grab onto Jace. They ended up in a sort of awkward hug, "You can't let Magnus know about the strippers. He'll be mad!"

Isabelle cackled at that. Alec had obviously already forgotten that he was standing in front of his boyfriend, and the fear in his eyes was something she also found hilarious. Clary slapped a hand over her mouth when the parabatai honed in on the two of them.

"Oh Izzy" Jace flung himself at her, his arms going around her shoulders and his head lolling to the side so it rested on top of her. Isabelle tentatively hugged him back, "You were so upset. I don't like seeing you upset. It makes me upset. Alec might be my parabatai, but you're my favourite sibling. You're so good and very beautiful and super smart and the best person ever. I'll kill Simon if he ever makes you sad again. Oh but that would make you sad too. Poor Izzy so sad."

"Jace are you crying?" Izzy replied as she felt something drop on her head. She turned her gaze towards Clary, pleading for her to deal with her boyfriend.

"I'm not crying! Men don't cry!" Jace tore away from Izzy and fell back onto Alec, who didn't even bat an eyelid at the added weight, "Alec tell them!"

"Why are you crying Jace?" Alec asked sadly, he hadn't been paying attention, too interested in how dark spots were appearing in front of his eyes. But as soon as he saw the tears in Jace's eyes he was on high alert, or as high alert as he could be when he was that drunk.

"I love you so much, man" Jace sagged into Alec, the way the held each other was somehow enough to keep them both upright without additional support.

"I love you too, Jace. Not as much as I love Magnus though" Alec patted his hand through Jace's hair.

"I love Clary as well. She so great, like amazing. She's perfect" Jace giggled again, hiccupping slightly before he spoke again "She's so much better than Magnus"

"Nope" Alec exaggeratedly shook his head, his hair flopping over his eyes as he did so, "Magnus is _magic_. Magic, Jace. Clary can't do magic"

Magnus smirked and winked at Clary, who shrugged; knowing that Jace probably had a rebuttal. Even when they were too drunk to really know what they were saying, there was no stopping the parabatai pair when it came to arguing.

"Clary makes new runes though. She's more angel than most angels" Jace's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion "Wait. No. She's more angel than most _Shadowhunters_. No one could be more angel than an angel, that's stupid"

"That's cool, Jace. But Magnus does this thing with his magic when we have sex-" Alec stopped as a hand clamped over his mouth. His eyes slowly trailed the arm the hand was attached to, then went wide when he saw Magnus.

"Magnus! You're here!" Though the words were muffled by Magnus' hand. Magnus cautiously moved it away, seeing that Alec wasn't going to talk about their sex life. "I told you he was magic, Jace"

"Darling, why don't we go home now? You two need to get some sleep" Magnus took a hold of Alec's shoulders as he started swaying again.

"No! He's sleeping with me tonight" Jace cried. He held on tighter to Alec with his arms and waved his hands to try to shoo Magnus away.

Magnus held his hands up in surrender and looked to Clary and Izzy. Izzy, who now had tears in her eyes because she was laughing so hard, just shrugged. Magnus sighed and side stepped towards the girls.

"Let's go to bed Alec" Jace mumbled into his chest. He pushed into Alec to cause him to stumble backwards towards the main room. They collapsed half on top of each other on the couch, giggling as they did so.

"Will they be alright there, do you think?" Clary whispered as the three of them peered over the back of the couch to where Alec and Jace's giggles were dying down and their eyes were drooping.

"Oh definitely not. They'll both wake up with sore necks but then again, they should know by now what their limits are" Magnus shrugged noncommittally.

"I don't know about you two but I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. You're welcome to stay in Alec's room if you want Magnus" Izzy said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and offering hugs to the other two "Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun"

"Of course. Goodnight, Iz" Clary replied watching Isabelle and Magnus exchange a long hug.

The three of them went their own ways, Magnus only pausing long enough to summon a blanket to drape over Alec and Jace, maybe having some semblance of warmth when they woke up would distract them from the killer headaches they would no doubt be suffering from.

The parabatai spent the night curled up together like baby otters. The headache the next morning was worse than they could have imagined. They only had themselves to blame.


End file.
